16 Weeks!

So today I am 16 weeks and in Ajo, Arizona for Christmas with part of my family. I have now thrown up 6 times this pregnancy. My dad and I went to the Snowflake, Arizona Temple to do sealings and I've never done them before (except my own). So I passed out and then threw up all over myself. It was definitely a memorable experience. Then after getting cleaned up, we left and went to the Mesa, Arizona Temple and it was awesome. It is so big!!!

Now we are in Ajo and I'm tired! Traveling sure did take a lot out of me and I just sat there the whole time :)

But I also did pop out this last week. I saw my dad last Tuesday and I looked normal, then Sunday I had me a little pooch sticking out saying hi! My next appointment is Jan 4th, so I'm very excited.

So for now, that's all.

15 Weeks!!

Yay today is 15 weeks! I'm in my 4th month, and in a week my 5th month! So everyone always says you are pregnant 9 months. Well, if you go to 40 weeks then you are pregnant for 10 months! I can't believe that I never realized it before... Jaren said that if they said you are pregnant for 10 months, then less women would get pregnant because they don't want to go into the double digits! HA HA. Anyway, that was my week's realization :)

So I took these pictures tonight and when looking at them, realized I should have made myself be more of a profile. Lol. I'm just picky because they make me look way bigger than I really am. And don't get me wrong, I have no problem getting bigger. It just made me look bigger LOL.






Well, it's way late, so I will have to post more later!

14 Weeks today!

So I made it through 1st Trimester and I'm still alive. There has been so much going on and I am exhausted. So I woke up and since we've been forgetting to do pictures, since Jaren usually gets home late and I don't feel like doing them then, I decided to do it this morning. So here are some of the pictures from today.




I haven't been feeling well the last few days and it sucks a lot. I think a lot has to do with the fact that the guy who lives under us smokes pot and every time the heater kicks on it smells bad and I get sick. This last weekend and few days have been absolutely horrible. Before then it wasn't too bad. But luckily our landlord told us that he is being evicted in the next week because of it and other issues. So it's something to look forward to at least. I'm excited to get good neighbors in who don't yell at you through the floor and then when you try to talk to them like civilized people they refuse.

School is almost over too!! :) Makes me happy!!

Been slacking on weekly updates...

So with the move and school, and break and problems with animals, I've gotten really bad at these updates that I was wanting to do every week!!

But now that the house is getting together better, Daisy & Luke are spayed & neutered, and declawed and Hope's hernia and tumor are fixed, and we got a new camera on Black Friday, I can get back to it!!

We got a new digital camera, because ours was either stolen or lost in March, with our first move. We got a Nikon for $88 at Target, originally $140. It's awesome and we are very happy with our Christmas present to ourselves. lol.

Also, a while back we got some pretty paint on clearance at Walmart for $7 and yesterday we painted our bathroom and today we are probably going to do the finishing touches. Luckily, our landlord is letting us take any and all repairs off of our rent! So with everything we've done the last few weeks, rent will be almost $100 cheaper! (the girl who lived here before us didn't take care of the place, so repairs have been needed). The reason we painted the bathroom is because it looked horrible from the last paint job. I can't wait to upload my pictures on here so everyone can see the difference!!

So today I am 12 weeks and 4 days pregnant and things seem to be going right in track, of course not that I know much about being pregnant! I keep joking that the baby won't let me leave 1st Trimester without a bang, because morning sickness has gotten bad this last week (probably has something to do with my traveling too)

I don't really want to go back to school tomorrow. ugh! I've really enjoyed getting to sleep so much!! At least I've been working out so I've been sleeping better at night. My sister, Amber, is a personal trainer and while I was there to get the animals taken care of, she promised me that if I follow her meal plan, and workout plan, that I will be skinnier (except belly) than before I was pregnant. Of course there will be other places that are still bigger, but oh well. I've been doing pretty well with it. Only missed one day, Thanksgiving. At least I didn't eat much since everything made me sick except the rolls. It was really sad.

Anyway, it's 1 in the afternoon and I need to wake up my hubby so we can get to work on finishing our bathroom, so I can show everyone!!

10 Weeks today

So today I am 10 weeks along. I started to feel better from my cold last night, but then was upset and crying sure doesn't help with the congestion. At least today hasn't been too bad. I'm not working much this week so I can finish packing for when we have everyone come to help on Saturday. We are getting doughnuts for people and that seems to have brought in a good response from the Elder's Quorum! We drive by/walk by the new place almost every day and we've seen them busy doing repairs and yard work. So it's nice to know that we'll have a landlord that actually follows through on things.

I don't think I posted anything about this, but we did find a family to take over our lease. It's perfect for them too because they are wanting to buy a house by March/April, when the lease is up.

I'm really missing my mom lately. Last night was horrible. I kept remembering how she looked and was when she died. And I kept thinking about all the things that I could have done better to help her more. Then thinking about the family and how we all seemed to be together in everything and then in a moment everything gets blown up.

I know my mom loved me and I have my memories to remind me of that. My memories and not much more. I'm just glad that I know that and know that I have those memories to keep me going. I don't need much else to know that.

I'm not trying to prove a point or anything, I just need to write down what I'm feeling right now. I'm hurt and I really don't need the drama. I'm not sure what I want to do now, or how I am supposed to fix everything. I guess I'm just supposed to take the blame for everything and say that I am stupid and can't do anything right and that I'm selfish and don't think of anyone else. I don't know.

Sometimes I just wish people would think before saying hurtful things that hurt someone deeper and more than they probably know...

This had me in tears last night...

Since I'm not sure how to get a video up here, here is the link to it on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbN0g8-zbdY


Here is the translation:

Time to say goodbye -- I'll go with you
Sarah
When I'm alone
I dream of the horizon
and words fail;
yes, I know there is no light
in a room where the sun is absent,
if you are not here with me.
At the windows
show everyone my heart
which you set alight;
enclose within me
the light you
encountered on the street.

Time to say goodbye. -- I'll go with you
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer;
it's time to say goodbye. -- with you I shall experience them.

Andrea
When you are far away
I dream of the horizon
and words fail,
and, yes, I know
that you are with me;
you, my moon, are here with me,
my sun, you are here with me
with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye. -- I'll go with you
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer,

Both
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer,
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you.

You and me.

Tears :(

So I hadn't had too bad of morning sickness before, just a ton of nausea, which I can handle. Well last week I went to Aurora to hang out with dad and I had a migraine. We were watching a movie and then I felt like I was going to puke. Well I ran to the bathroom and got everything out and amazingly felt better!! Then today Jaren and I were both down there and we'd just got from the Temple with dad. I woke up late and didn't get to eat. Then I took my prenatal vitamin and started gagging, which I do when I take pills. Well this time I wasn't lucky enough to make it to the bathroom and I puked on dad's hall floor - I'm just glad that it's hardwood and not carpet!!

But after that we went to Red Lobster for lunch and I ate crab legs. YUM!! Of course I also have a cold, so now I feel sick again :( Only 5 more hours until Jaren gets home from work!!

1st Ultrasound!

So I had my first prenatal appointment today! I went in and really liked the doctor. He was funny, blunt, and honest and I felt like I was in good hands! So first thing he did, since I was 10 weeks tomorrow, was check to try and hear the heartbeat. We heard a lot of swooshing, but no heartbeat, which is ok for this early. Then he felt my uterus to see how much it's expanded and I found that my uterus is tilted back a bit, and we figured that's why we couldn't hear it. Then he did the internal ultrasound and I got to see our little baby June Bug! I saw the heart beating fast and also the doctor said the baby "kicked" the foot too, which was cool. Then we got the first picture, which is attached! But the baby is measuring at 8weeks 3days in the picture. Then the 2nd look, different angle was 4days, then the best angle was 5 days. So he said that I'm 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant, so not the 10 weeks we were thinking! So my new due date, instead of June 1st, is June 9th! And June 9th also happens to be Jaren's birthday!

So it was a fun day and we are so excited! We have our baby's first picture in a frame, which is so adorable!

Mistake to ever move to this apartment!

So Jaren and I have been talking about finding a better, cheaper place to live for quite some time and then we started to pray about it and think things over. Well, we found a place! It is a duplex, with a fenced yard!! It's 2 bedroom, 1 bath with stackable washer & dryer, and a dishwasher. The rent is $725 UTILITIES INCLUDED!! All we have to pay for is trash, which is not bad. We met with the guy today and looked at the place. It is bigger than where we are right now! Of course one bedroom is really small, as the guy said more of an office, but all I could see was that it was perfect for the baby's nursery, as there's room for the office stuff in the living room (which is huge). It's a really cool place and we told the guy that we are going to get it. Both Jaren and I had a wonderful feeling about it! The kind where you know it's right. :)

Seems great right? Well that part does at least. We went to the office to get a copy of our lease to see if we could see some loopholes or something. Yeah none. We were told when we moved in that if we were to leave early that it would be the last months rent as a severance. Well we were informed today that you have to give 60 DAYS NOTICE for that to be the case. We have the money to pay the severance fee. We don't have the money to pay November, December AND the severance rent. It's so ridiculous. Even though we asked them to fix our screen which was "fixed" with a too small screen that falls out, even though there are TONS of bugs that are in the house even after they sprayed but wouldn't spray again, even after I inform them that our neighbors are throwing cigarette butts into our patio and playing their music to 2 in the morning disrupting my much needed sleep, even after our car gets broken into and our radio stolen and the fact that I no longer feel safe here, even after all that yeah not gonna budge no matter what. How dumb. I understand that you have to have some set rules when managing a place this big, but with everything that's been going on, you'd think they'd at least waive the 60 days notice thing.

So now we have posted an ad on Craigslist to sublease our apartment, since it's the only option we have right now. On Craigslist they have a housing wanted section too, so I emailed a couple people there who are looking for a place. I'm just so ready to move out of here and be in a real neighborhood (2 blocks away from the UCA also!) I'm so done with big management places who have no compassion and who trick people into moving into a place (long story).

Anyway, that's my rant for now. I'm mad that we ever moved here. And the only reason we did was because we felt bad for the people we were staying with that they had to put up with us! The new place is also better kept up than our apartment. They just put in brand new windows, there is a central heating system so you don't have to turn the heat in each room on individually, there's a yard (Hope will LOVE it), no pet deposits, no pet rent, more storage space than this apartment, only 1 other person to worry about and we were told he's very friendly and easy going.

So we are excited. Probably Jaren more than me because our deal was that if he found a place and did all the contacting and setting up of things, then he could quit the paper route after Christmas (and the bonuses of course lol) Plus since we'll be saving about $115 on rent, and he just started manager pay ($3 raise), we can afford to quit it so I can have my happy, not tired all the time husband back!!

So that's our happy news right now. If everyone could just please pray that we can sublease our apartment before December 1, that would be awesome!! We are moving the middle of November.

And the bloat is back with a vengeance!!

So I'm a day late with this, but yesterday I worked late and then we went grocery shopping after Jaren got off work and life just happened. We did get to take a picture at 11:40ish last night!! Today I was SO glad that school was cancelled because of the foot of snow we have already! I got to sleep lots!!!

Ok so here is my 9 week picture. As can be seen the bloat was very bad yesterday as was my "morning" sickness.



I am getting really nervous about my appointment on Monday. Am I eating right? Am I sleeping enough? Am I getting enough sunlight, exercise? The list goes on. I know I really don't have anything to worry about, but I guess it just comes even when you know things are fine! I'm really excited to post next week after my doctor visit. Then I'll have more to say than my bloat and "morning" sickness are bad. HA HA!

DR PEPPER!!!!!

DR PEPPER! DR PEPPER! DR PEPPER! DR PEPPER! DR PEPPER! DR PEPPER!



Ok so my morning sickness was absolutely HORRIBLE yesterday and there was a lovely migraine to accompany it. Well today when I woke up I wasn't too horrible, but still not feeling good. Jaren didn't have to go to work until later, so we decided to go shopping. Then I almost passed out and we went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch :) I got nuggets and yummy fries and a dr. pepper.

(By the way, before we found out I was pregnant I decided to try to not drink caffeinated pop.) After I drank it I felt so amazing and haven't felt sick since about 2 this afternoon!! I was/still am so happy!! I went to our ward party tonight and ate candy and didn't get sick! WOO HOO!

Picture!!

So here is the picture that we took last night of me at 8 weeks! At least I'm not as bloated as before - probably because the morning sickness got worse and I can't eat as much. He He!!



By the way, Jaren made fun of me for how I was standing. My back was hurting and that was more comfortable HA HA!!

Finally!

So yesterday on a whim, Jaren and I ran over to the OB that I want to go to, just to check it out. I told them insurance didn't start until November 1st and the 3rd I will be 10 weeks. So I got an appointment for the 2nd of November!! They like to see you when you are between 8 - 10 weeks. The sad part is that Jaren is going to Connecticut for a choir trip and the day I have my appointment is their last rehearsal. I really hope his teacher will let him leave early, but I'm not going to hold my breath!!

Today I am 8 weeks - I don't have a picture to post yet because I haven't taken one yet. Last night I made steamed carrots with butter and a little salt (one of my favorites) and it made me so sick! But uncooked carrots were fine!!! lol. I'm trying to eat healthy and have been pretty good at it - it also helps that most of what I'm craving are fruits and veggies!! The hardest thing to get the needed amount of is dairy. I was wanting it all the time a few weeks ago and now I want it a little bit, but not as much as I probably should. Some people say that what you crave is what your body needs. I guess my body doesn't need as much calcium right now? So maybe I am getting enough between my prenatal vitamins, tums, cheese, yogurt, and occasionally milk? Ha ha.

Hot and cold flashes are becoming frustrating...I am SO cold right now. But I know once I put on a sweatshirt I will be dying of heat. I just can't find a happy medium yet.

So other than work and school and being pregnant, not much is going on. I'm reading some awesome books that my sister-in-law Krystal sent me - So sweet!!

Well I will write more tomorrow probably and I will have a picture of my bloat bump for today's 8 week mark!!

HOLY COW

So "morning" sickness has hit today...and it hit hard. I've been having it for about two weeks now, just nausea and heartburn. But today Jaren took me out to Carino's Italian restaurant for their $5.99 unlimited soup, salad, and bread special. I ate two salads and two bowls of awesome potato soup. As we left the restaurant I thought I was going to pass out, puke, and die all at the same time. It was crazy. The drive home was torture too - stop and go, stop and go!

Jaren offered to carry me inside, but I was really fine, just part of being pregnant. I've been laying down for almost two hours now and am finally feeling like I could get up and get a drink. It's funny to me :) I knew that it might get worse and it did! At least some people say that bad morning sickness means less chance of miscarriage!

So today I am 7 weeks and 2 days along. I am so anxious to get into the doctor and our insurance officially starts November 1st!! So I will be going in that week, when I will be about 10 weeks along. Our little baby june bug is the size of a blueberry!! Our babies brain is growing and our little june bug's arms and legs are starting to bud out! Lots of changes with my body!

I'm still excited (even while laying here sick)! I can't wait for morning sickness to die down in the 2nd trimester, which is around November 25th for me. Then I can workout and not feel like I need a throw-up bowl next to me! Also, I'm going to be doing water aerobics too! I've been having a desire to go swimming, but our pool is outside (found out yesterday we have a sister pool that is indoors!!)

So anyway, everyone have a great day!

The most wonderful time of the year...for our family!!

Now that Jaren and I have told everyone in our immediate familes, I figured I would write a blog about our big news!! We went to the doctor to see why I just kept getting sick and finally got an explanation! We are expecting a baby around June 1, 2010!! That is with us just going by what we are guessing. We haven't been in to see a doctor yet - our insurance doesn't kick in for a few weeks. So luckily it gives me more time to pick a good doctor/midwife, but I'm also impatient and want to see the heartbeat and our baby blob!! (baby blob because that's what all early ultrasounds look like lol).

So we found out on October 1 at the doctor - we were checking my thyroid and instead found out this wonderful fact! I was about 5 weeks 2 days then. So here are my "belly bump" pictures so far - or as I call them, my "bloated bump".

Here they are:


5 weeks, 4 days pregnant!


6 weeks pregnant - the most bloated so far!


Today - Me at 7 weeks pregnant - I can finally fit into jeans again!!! I'm hardly bloated at all today - YAY!!

Now I don't mind getting bigger, mainly because I've been exercising to try to get better, and then after finding out, more exercise to stay in shape. So I don't mind getting bigger with a baby belly, but I hate bloating!!! Plus this week my Morning sickness, which for me is mostly at night 11 pm to about 9 am, and it's gotten much worse this week :(

We are very excited about being parents and I'm excited that it will work with school and everything!

On Sunday we told my dad in the morning, before we went to church with him. We brought a jar of prego sauce and told him we had a present for him, which I then held in front of my belly. He was very excited for us! It was also very sad, because my mom is not here to physically share in our joy, but I know that she handpicked our baby for us!! My one fear with being pregnant is that my mom is not here to help me through it...

Sunday on the way home, I called everyone and let everyone know, except my oldest brother who wasn't available, we told him last night!

Last night Jaren and I went over to his parents and made spaghetti for them and did the prego thing too. Then we called around and told everyone else too! It was a ton of fun. I was so tired by the end of the night.

There's so much to write, and oh surprise, I'm already tired!!

So this is my we're Prego post!!

Communication!

I was woken up today around 10:50. Yes that's late, but not for a Saturday, and especially not when I was up all night so sick! I got to sleep around 4:30-5ish, so I was hoping to sleep. Jaren was going to sing with the choir at the football game today (I'm too sick), and he told me 4:00 today, so I was expecting to wake up around noon. Well he forgot to tell me that he had to be there at 11:30 to practice. Then we went all the way over there, I drop him off and leave to go get gas. Then I get a call from him - it's cancelled because of the snow!! UGH. So I drive back and then Blake calls Jaren, who wasn't scheduled for work until 4:30ish, and asks him to come in to work at 12:30! Jaren said ok. I'm not really mad, even though from reading what I just wrote, I do sound upset. I'm actually just lonely!!

Our tv quit working the other day, so now I have to watch movies on the laptop, which is really not cool because it's too close to me! Then this morning Jaren was using our space heater and broke it! Then we have all these gross bugs in our house because we are on the garden level, and since it snowed we have lots of "friends" coming in to visit. Luckily the cats take care of most of them!

I'm still feeling really sick. I keep eating because I really need to be eating more calories per day, but everything is gross to me. Jaren said that he didn't think I was eating enough, so I decided to count up how many calories I was getting and on average, I'd say about 800 - 1,000 calories a day. It's not too bad, but it helps explain why my energy level was almost non-existant.

So I know I'm just rambling on right now, but I'm bored. I bought a new Veggie Tales movie at ARC the other day! We watched it yesterday while making dinner and it was cute. It's called 'Lord of the Beans'.

Excited!

Something's in the air and it's exciting! :)



Sunday is going to be an AWESOME day!! We're going to see my dad for the first time in almost a month! Not quite a month, but it feels like FOREVER!! I'm also loving the little snow flurries that we have been getting :) they are sweet!

One day at a time...

On July 31st, 2009 at 12:15am, my dear, sweet mother Roxane passed away. After a struggle with cancer, diagnosed in March, her body could not take it anymore. My mom was my best friend, so I've been feeling very lost and confused and scared lately. I miss her dearly and wish she was here with us still. I know she is around, not in pain, but I'm only human and still miss her.

In other not as important news, Jaren got a new job that he started this last Tuesday, so he was only out of work for a weekend. We were blessed greatly that he got a job so quickly and at higher pay! He will be a manager Boston Market.

There's not too much to say lately, since I can't organize my own thoughts. We started school last weekend and it's been ok.

Now on to my own health. More of the intense pains...ugh. Also, I've been craving milk like crazy and craving a ton of other things too, and even not knowing what I want a ton of the the time! I've had people joke with me that I'm pregnant or something, but my sister can't have kids, and I might not be able to have kids either. So I have to wait until we get our new insurance to go to the doctor. I will have to do a Laparoscopy surgery to find out for sure.

So for now that's it I guess.

Some updates in our life

This is me at Halloween when I was in 3rd or 4th grade..just thought it was fun


So it sure has been a while...

Since the Bolder Boulder, a lot has happened. My mom's cancer has gotten worse - that's the biggest event. As of yesterday, she was in 10 days. She got better for a day and then got an infection from the emergency colon surgery that they had to do on her. They took out the main tumor, which was blocking things and not letting anything work. But now she can't have chemo for 4 -6 weeks. Also, she'll be starting on new chemo, more harsh than the one she was on, which was pretty bad. Right now she's in the hospital until they can get her pain under control. Until we find out what else to do, prayers help!

That seems to have overshadowed our lives for a while now - my mom's chemo, and now hospital stuff. I've been traveling down to Denver (Aurora) almost every week to clean the house, teach her voice student, and just be here in case I'm needed. It's summer and I'm glad to have the flexible schedule to be able to do this! I know once school starts I'll worry more than I do right now!

Jaren is looking for a new job, one that pays more than the $7.75 he makes now. For where we are living, we just can't afford that low of pay. They promised a raise in December, but surprise surprise the company put a freeze on stuff like that in January. How convenient. Lol. So along with pushing him to find a job, helping my parents, and work, I'm also auditioning for American Idol this Tuesday. Jaren and I went to get our registration stuff today and I'm pretty excited. It's always been a goal/dream of mine to at least audition. If I make it cool, if not then at least I tried, which is the hardest part in my mind!

So much is happening that I've been putting my health on the back burner. For a little over 3 1/2 months I've been having a constant stabbing/radiating pain in my lower left abdominal area. The doctor thought it was my ovary, but after checking it out, she said they were fine. She went through multiple ideas, and tests, nothing. Next came the colonoscopy. It went smoothly and came out normal. This is when I blew up. My mom went with me, before she took a turn for the worse. She said that the nurse came in and said I was completely fine. Apparently I blew up and was crying because she kept telling me that I was fine and nothing should be hurting me.

Abdominal pain is not fun, and it especially sucks because no one can tell me what it is that's hurting me so very much. I try not to talk about it too much because I know that other people are in worse conditions than me, but my sister advised me the other day to not keep holding things in, so I thought I could post about it here. She also made the horrible "joke" that it could be cancer. It's not. I've tried change in diet, exercise, good thoughts, Tai Chi, Yoga, Pilates, anything that will help relieve the pain. Nothing helps except sleep. but of course the fact that I'm writing this at 3 in the morning only shows how much I have not been able to sleep. I try to sleep and I never can. It's so frustrating.

So I'm just going along with life, trying not to complain much, trying to help my family more than anything else. It should be enough for now.

The Boulder Boulder

So something that I've always wanted to do was the Boulder Boulder. I've been really sick lately and thought that another year would pass and I wouldn't be doing. But this year my sister cornered me and I'm doing it on Monday with her. I'm glad she's having me do it with her because otherwise I probably wouldn't. I'm still sick, but when I run I feel so free and fine. It's the after effects that KILL me. But I think I'll be ok. In my prime in High School, I ran a 5K (3.1 Miles) in 21 minutes. My senior year, after I dislocated my knee, my 5K only got worse by 10 minutes, so I'm hoping that it's not too bad. The other day I went running with Hope, my dog, and we ran just under 3 miles in 30 minutes, which considering, is really good for me. I'm excited and scared, but mostly excited. It will just be my sister and I and no one else to watch even. I'm excited!!!

Prayers!

Hi all,

So Jaren is looking for another job, because the one that he's at now (JC Penney) is paying him less than 8 an hour and no room for promotion, etc. It's frustrating to watch him work so hard and not get much from it. So he's looking and we're hoping he can find something. Of course if he can't, then he can't.

Also, I'm still really sick and not doing too good.

So prayers for us are always appreciated!

Thanks!

Yummy Dinner

So yesterday after getting home from the hospital, I felt strangely weird and just wanted to cook, so I did! I made so yummy chicken parmesan. We didn't have any bread crumbs, so Jaren said to use corn flakes. It was so good! Also, I made a salad with yummy artichokes. And we had papaya. Then after dinner I decided to make fried bread and regular baked bread! SO good! Maybe it tasted so good because I've been sick and not been eating much! LOL.

Life

Today marks 3 months of being married for Jaren and I (or close enough to it)!  I was in the ER this week, something wrong with my left ovary.  I'm pretty sure that it's an ovarian cyst, mainly because I'm in so much pain I feel like dying and I've had the pain since last Sunday, so a week tomorrow!  We went to Poudre Valley Hospital and they suck.  We were in there over 6 hours.  6!!!!  I understand emergency rooms are hectic, but how is it possible to not even be able to get a nurses attention, and to have them not give me a call button until I asked for it.  They sent me home after another dose of morphine, but the pain has still not gone away.  Still here and I'm still sick and of course sick of the pain.  I'm thinking of going to the new hospital down by Centerra.  Basically my mom told me that they should have not sent me away without some kind of prescription or plan for what to do.  

But all that aside, I did get up enough energy to go to a movie with Jaren!  We saw Paul Blart:  Mall Cop.  Let's just say I hurt my self even more with how hard I was laughing!!!!!  It was AWESOME!  Now we are just getting ready for bed.  We've been having a major lack of sleep, since the pain's been keeping me awake, therefore keeping Jaren awake.  

Also, my mom started Chemo this week and she's been really sick from it.  Every time I call she's sick and sleeping.  Plus she's also on so much pain medication.  Please pray for her, every prayer helps!  

Heartache

So the house we were looking at fell through, in fact every single one of the "leads" that we've had has fallen through and we are still homeless. We told the people we are living with that we would be moving out in May, so we have to move out, and probably end up living with Jaren's parents, which is ok with me, as long as they are ok with it. I'm so frustrated that we can't find anything and I almost just want to go back to our place and live with the mold poisoning.

Also, as I posted before, 2 weeks ago we found out that my mom has liver cancer, well this last weekend they also found that she has colon cancer and possible lung cancer. Also, they want to do a full body scan becasue they think that it's spread more than that. So surgery is now out of the question and chemo is the only option. If it's spread too much, they probably just won't do anything and just have her on pain meds while she dies.

Right now I'm really depressed and stressed. I keep taking it out on Jaren and I've been keeping to myself, which I was told is not good, which is why I'm writing it all out. I'm angry that we can't find a place, I'm scared for my mom and I'm so worried. School is almost not bearable anymore and work is just ok, but frustrating since out of 3 people, I do the bulk of the work while they play on Facebook. Movies are my only outlet right now. Even music is starting to die in me, because all the songs I'm singing right now are sad! I'm trying to get new ones that are happy, but all the ones I pick, my voice teacher doesn't want me to do. Of course. I really just need a distraction.

Starting this week Jaren and I are going down to Aurora every weekend to help with my mom's business since she won't be able to do it anymore. I feel so bad for her because she's in SO much evident pain. Prayers are still wanted for her!

Thanks for listening to me kind of vent!

House Hunting

Jaren and I found the perfect little one bedroom house to rent, so close to CSU and we were sure that we were going to go for it.  But for some reason, we could not fill out the rental application and turn it in.  We kept saying that we were going to, but we just didn't.  I couldn't understand what was stopping BOTH of us from just sitting down and doing it, because it's really easy to fill out.  I kept having dreams about a big house that I could tell that I absolutely loved in my dream.  Well I decided to look on Craigslist again to see if anything new in the rental area was up.  Instead I went to the houses for sale and found an amazing 3 bedroom/ 1 bath for $189,000.  Plus it's only two blocks further from CSU, which is nothing.  So today at 9, we are going to call and get our foot in and we are also going over to the bank to apply for a loan, because rent for the 1 bedroom was going to be $650, with utilities on top of that, and it was smaller than our 1 bedroom for $595!!!  If we get the loan that I would like to get, it will be a monthly payment of $350 at least to $700 at most!  

We feel really good about it and are praying that things work out, because I am really ready for something big and good to happen.  I'm kind of really sick of having all these bad/frustrating things happen lately!  

I know that life is hard, but lately things have been kind of snowballing downhill and I'm ready to climb back up again.  School is going ok, just trying to play catch up in classes from being sick with the mold poisoning.  

I love life and how funny it can, in everything bad that's been happening, I've been finding the good and going off of that.  That way, I won't get depressed!!  

My Mommy

On Friday, my mother was diagnosed with a very rare liver cancer.  It's really not good and really scary.  Thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated!

Moved.

So Jaren and I moved out of our house and into a room at a nice couple's place!  So now we are busy looking around for another place to rent that won't make me sick and give me mold poisoning!

Missing life

I love being married!  It's awesome and I always have my best friend by me whenever I need him.  The downside is family.  My family is so supportive and trying to help me in every way they can!  On the other end all I feel is some sort of dislike from MIL.  It's frustrating and basically I'm just avoiding it.  I can sense that Jaren doesn't know what to do, but i don't either!  I don't know what I did except for being opinionated about how I wanted MY wedding receptions.  

Oh well, I guess that's just life.  On to more "fun" things.  I've now been sick for over a month.  But we found out why - the basement has about 2 inches of standing water.  It definitely explains why I've been so sick, with little relief.  So we now don't know what we are going to do.  Our lease ends in May, but we don't know what to do, because it would be nice to buy the place and fix it up, but also VERY expensive!  Then we also like the new ward we are in and I LOVE how close it is to the music building and campus in general.  So I guess we have a lot of things to decide in the future.  It is kind of hard though because Jaren is either always working or doing something else.  So we'll see what happens.  

For now I'm trying to get back to school and try to recover little by little.  We're going to Aurora tonight to see my parents and also my High School's musical.  I have never been SO excited to get out of Fort Collins and all the drama that is here.  Drama sucks, especially if you don't know what's causing it!  Gotta get ready to go - TTFN!

P.S.

Only 3 days left until the wedding!

Jaren's wedding gift to me!!

Jaren gave me a beautiful piano for our wedding (This Saturday!!!)  I was over at his parents house cleaning for my Bridal/Birthday Party and he left.  Of course, now his mom and I get stuck doing all the cleaning.  Let's just say I wasn't too happy, since his mom and I were really sick!  Anyway, then he came back and we cleaned more and then I started feeling really bad and had to go home.  I walked into the house and started to go to my room.  While passing the living room, as I was right next to it, I realized that my bookcase was sticking out.  So, I kept walking and put my stuff in my room, then I came back and realized that is was not my bookcase, but a beautiful piano!!  It was the same height and color as the bookcase, so he did really well at surprising me!  Of course, I had to go tackle him and tell him how much I loved it!

I feel WAY better

I talked to one of my brothers and he's coming - we only had to work out a few things! I'm excited.

Also, I just got back from getting the invitations printed off. It cost us only $100! It was amazing. We got a discount for them being considered "greeting cards", but hey it works for me. $52 cheaper for us!