10 Weeks today

So today I am 10 weeks along. I started to feel better from my cold last night, but then was upset and crying sure doesn't help with the congestion. At least today hasn't been too bad. I'm not working much this week so I can finish packing for when we have everyone come to help on Saturday. We are getting doughnuts for people and that seems to have brought in a good response from the Elder's Quorum! We drive by/walk by the new place almost every day and we've seen them busy doing repairs and yard work. So it's nice to know that we'll have a landlord that actually follows through on things.

I don't think I posted anything about this, but we did find a family to take over our lease. It's perfect for them too because they are wanting to buy a house by March/April, when the lease is up.

I'm really missing my mom lately. Last night was horrible. I kept remembering how she looked and was when she died. And I kept thinking about all the things that I could have done better to help her more. Then thinking about the family and how we all seemed to be together in everything and then in a moment everything gets blown up.

I know my mom loved me and I have my memories to remind me of that. My memories and not much more. I'm just glad that I know that and know that I have those memories to keep me going. I don't need much else to know that.

I'm not trying to prove a point or anything, I just need to write down what I'm feeling right now. I'm hurt and I really don't need the drama. I'm not sure what I want to do now, or how I am supposed to fix everything. I guess I'm just supposed to take the blame for everything and say that I am stupid and can't do anything right and that I'm selfish and don't think of anyone else. I don't know.

Sometimes I just wish people would think before saying hurtful things that hurt someone deeper and more than they probably know...