Heartache

So the house we were looking at fell through, in fact every single one of the "leads" that we've had has fallen through and we are still homeless. We told the people we are living with that we would be moving out in May, so we have to move out, and probably end up living with Jaren's parents, which is ok with me, as long as they are ok with it. I'm so frustrated that we can't find anything and I almost just want to go back to our place and live with the mold poisoning.

Also, as I posted before, 2 weeks ago we found out that my mom has liver cancer, well this last weekend they also found that she has colon cancer and possible lung cancer. Also, they want to do a full body scan becasue they think that it's spread more than that. So surgery is now out of the question and chemo is the only option. If it's spread too much, they probably just won't do anything and just have her on pain meds while she dies.

Right now I'm really depressed and stressed. I keep taking it out on Jaren and I've been keeping to myself, which I was told is not good, which is why I'm writing it all out. I'm angry that we can't find a place, I'm scared for my mom and I'm so worried. School is almost not bearable anymore and work is just ok, but frustrating since out of 3 people, I do the bulk of the work while they play on Facebook. Movies are my only outlet right now. Even music is starting to die in me, because all the songs I'm singing right now are sad! I'm trying to get new ones that are happy, but all the ones I pick, my voice teacher doesn't want me to do. Of course. I really just need a distraction.

Starting this week Jaren and I are going down to Aurora every weekend to help with my mom's business since she won't be able to do it anymore. I feel so bad for her because she's in SO much evident pain. Prayers are still wanted for her!

Thanks for listening to me kind of vent!

House Hunting

Jaren and I found the perfect little one bedroom house to rent, so close to CSU and we were sure that we were going to go for it.  But for some reason, we could not fill out the rental application and turn it in.  We kept saying that we were going to, but we just didn't.  I couldn't understand what was stopping BOTH of us from just sitting down and doing it, because it's really easy to fill out.  I kept having dreams about a big house that I could tell that I absolutely loved in my dream.  Well I decided to look on Craigslist again to see if anything new in the rental area was up.  Instead I went to the houses for sale and found an amazing 3 bedroom/ 1 bath for $189,000.  Plus it's only two blocks further from CSU, which is nothing.  So today at 9, we are going to call and get our foot in and we are also going over to the bank to apply for a loan, because rent for the 1 bedroom was going to be $650, with utilities on top of that, and it was smaller than our 1 bedroom for $595!!!  If we get the loan that I would like to get, it will be a monthly payment of $350 at least to $700 at most!  

We feel really good about it and are praying that things work out, because I am really ready for something big and good to happen.  I'm kind of really sick of having all these bad/frustrating things happen lately!  

I know that life is hard, but lately things have been kind of snowballing downhill and I'm ready to climb back up again.  School is going ok, just trying to play catch up in classes from being sick with the mold poisoning.  

I love life and how funny it can, in everything bad that's been happening, I've been finding the good and going off of that.  That way, I won't get depressed!!