Puzzle Fun!

For Christmas, my awesome Sister-in-law gave the boys a barn puzzle that she illustrated and designed!  Here is the link, from Sept, for a good picture of it:  http://mermagblog.com/huge-giveaway/

It is really cool, and the boys loved playing with it today.  It's the first time I've brought it out for them, mainly because I want to keep it nice.  Anyway, here are some pictures, and a link to her blog - I just love looking at all the fun things she thinks of!!  http://mermagblog.com/

Too many potty issues!

Potty training is crazy.  I always looked at other parents and thought that they had to have found some magical thing to potty train their kids.  I realize now that they probably just had better luck in finding what worked for their kid! 

For us, we had found that Dev liked a *very* small treat after going potty.  It was awesome and we were so proud of how fast he was potty training.  Then, we had to move and he regressed a bit.  We worked with him and it got better luckily. 

Now we are working on night training.  Oh boy, that's so much fun! (yes, I'm being sarcastic...)  We have always been bad at having a steady schedule.  I blame this on us being in school until last spring and not transitioning well through it all.  Anyway, night after night there was a peed mess of blankets, sheets, underwear, clothes, pillows, toys, etc.  I could not stand it, so I ordered some plastic underwear.  I'll add in here that I won't use pullups because Dev liked to go potty in diapers and it just didn't work for us.

So those plastic underwear have been awesome! (no sarcasm here)  All I have to worry about now is peed underwear, sometimes peed pants, and the plastic underwear themselves (easy to clean).  It's been nice.

Once we got Dev under control, Kade started to leak through his diapers.  UGH, really?  Yeah it was not fun.  Apparently he had a growth spurt and his diapers were too small now.  Got that taken care of, whew. 

Then, our cat(s?) started peeing outside the litter box, even with new and clean litter!  That's happened once yesterday and then again this morning. 

On top of that, our dog Hope yesterday morning peed in our dining area, Jaren cleaned it up, and then she peed again even after he took her out.  Last night, she pooped in our kitchen (twice) after being taken out.  Then she pooped and peed again this morning.

I don't mind taking care of kid pee and poop, but I cannot stand animal stuff.  I'm going crazy over here!

Thrive!

Back in July I was introduced to this food and preparedness company called, Thrive Life.  I listened to the consultant's spiel, and started to get excited.  I have been to plenty of home parties for products before and nothing sounded as awesome and full of potential as this company did!

I am still in the starting out phase, but I keep getting more and more excited as I think about all of the possibilities that I have with this company. 

Anyway, I am linking my consulting website and inviting you all to ask me questions! 

https://www.thrivelife.com/crystalnallred

Overcoming Chapter 3...

Note:  I tried to differentiate the stories by using different colors - hopefully that's not confusing...

Chapter 1.  

I was born.  I had a fun childhood, and I loved school and sports.  I graduated High School and moved to college.

Chapter 2.

I met a wonderful man, and married him.  We then had two beautiful children.

Ok, so those chapter 'reviews' just barely scratch the surface of what went on during those times.  That's fine, because it was life, and it was good for the most part (though life is never perfect).

So what was/is my Chapter 3?

Well, my Chapter 3 overlaps with my Chapter 2 and it gets really complicated emotionally.  Why?  Oh boy, that's hard to answer.  I think I'm finally at a place to try to explain.

Chapter 3.

All while growing up my Mom had Crohns Disease, and while I was in High School she was diagnosed with PSC Liver Disease.  She got sick a lot, especially in the winter.  So when Jaren and I decided on our wedding in January of 2009, there was some opposition.  We both felt strongly that that's when it should be though and we didn't want to wait until May.

After the wedding, my Mom got sick.  It wasn't until April that they discovered that she had a large mass in her colon.  What?  Cancer?  No way, not happening to my Mom!  She got sick really fast, went through chemo, and still got even more sick.  In July, she was admitted to the hospital and had her colon removed.  A week or so later, she was back home because she was going downhill and wanted the comfort of her own home.  We all felt that she was not going to make it.  

On Sunday, July 26 we had a Family Home Evening and discussed our feelings about what was happening.  We took pictures, told of our love for her and each other, and basically said goodbye.  The next day she was put on hospice care.  She was not really responsive the rest of the week.  Around midnight on July 30th, I was alone in the room with my Mom.  I was singing to her.  I was singing 'Goodnight, my someone', the song she sang to me every night before I went to bed.  I was crying and hit some notes wrong, my Mom grunted 'uh uh'.  I smiled because she was always my greatest music teacher!  

I then felt prompted to tell her I loved her and then I felt that I needed to leave the room.  A couple of minutes later, my brother went in the room.  She was gone.

Nothing could have prepared me for the loneliness I would feel.  My Mom was my best friend and we hardly went a day without some form of communication!  

The next part happened/developed over the time period of August 2009 to around January 2011: My family fell apart.  I won't get into details, but it sucks.  Throughout this same time, I got pregnant and had my oldest son, and I was in school full time too.  I was stressed and was dealing with depression from losing my Mom, and then post-partum depression on top of that.

In September 2011, I got pregnant with my second baby!  I was thrilled, yet I still was dealing with bad depression.  I welcomed our second son in June 2012.  Jaren started a new job (his internship) in Denver a week later.  The arrangement was that he would live with his Aunt and Uncle, while I stayed in our apartment.  

It. Was. Horrible. 

I sunk into a deeper depression than I thought was possible.  I was alone with a toddler, and a brand new baby and I felt like I had no one to turn to for help.  After a month, I decided that I could not do it alone anymore and we all moved in with Jaren's Aunt and Uncle (such great people!).

I was still depressed and hardly did anything each day.  It was hard to get out of bed, take care of kids, or do much of anything.  

October 2012 is when I was introduced to The Specific Chiropractic Center by Jaren's Aunt.  I began getting treated and started to feel less fatigued.  It helped a ton.  In January of 2013, we moved back to Fort Collins.  I continued to get care, and I began to change my diet and to exercise more.  These changes helped little by little.  

In August, 2013 we had to move across town.  This move brought the potential for good things and bad things.  I honestly believe things would have been good, but this was also around the time that I miscarried.  I was so excited to add to our family and I felt as if it was ripped away from me.  So, I chose laziness and sadness, I guess it was easier...

This situation made me drop into an even deeper depression.  This time, though, anxiety came along with it in full strength.  The thought of talking to people freaked me out, emailing people was hard, posting on Facebook was hard.  All I wanted to do was to sleep, watch TV when I was awake, and let Jaren do the rest.  I tried my hardest to make it look like my life was in order, so no one would really know how I was feeling.  I hardly told Jaren what I was feeling, but I know that he could tell because of my lack of doing anything.  

I began running again in November, and it helped.  The holidays made this harder though, and I still felt depressed, and I missed my Mom so much during this time.  I was just grateful that I didn't gain any weight during this time!

Fast forward to now.  How am I feeling?  I am still depressed, and I have bad anxiety.  It takes all of my energy to get out of bed, and it's hard not to snap at my kids.  I hate driving because of the anxiety.  I also daydream about horrible scenarios happening, things that would most likely never happen, and sometimes these thoughts are scary. 

So what am I doing to help myself?  How am I overcoming my Chapter 3 and opening up my Chapter 4?

First, I know that Heavenly Father is always with me, and that Jesus Christ suffered for us and can help with our struggles and heartaches.  

Second, during the second week of January, I started limiting foods that I know make me feel bad, and I began exercising again.  I have now lost 17 pounds since November!  

Third, I have set goals for myself.  I registered for the BolderBoulder 10k in May, and I registered for the Thrive Convention in April.  

Fourth, I am pushing myself to become social again.  This is a big part in why I am writing this LONG post!  I want to have friends, I need to have friends, and I know that won't happen unless I put forth some effort.  

The moral of this story is that I AM overcoming my Chapter 3, and starting my Chapter 4.  This time of my life has been hard; harder than I ever imagined it to be.  I do know that if I continue to do these things, then I will be able to move forward and be the person that I want to be!

Here is Jaren and me on our 5th wedding Anniversary today!

The boys and I were being silly after Jaren and I got home from dinner.

 

Here I am, feeling good after a fun date.

Emotional rollercoaster ride

I've written this and edited it more times than I can count.  I wasn't about writing this, but I feel that it might help me to write it down, and to also let people know why I may have been acting strangely the last few months.  So here is my story:

On Tuesday July 16th, I was delighted to find out that I was pregnant.  My mind began thinking of who this baby would be, how our lives would change with 3 children, how to organize ourselves, and I was just plain excited! 

I had just over a week of excitement before I began bleeding on Thursday July 25th.  I was nervous, but I also knew that sometimes that is normal.  The next day, Friday, I decided to go to the ER because things had progressed and I realized that I was probably having a miscarriage.  In the ER, I explained what was going on to several different people and I cried harder each time I imagined the end result of losing my baby.  The Dr. finally came in and had me go in for an ultrasound; there was nothing on it.  I was devastated.  The Dr. said I was miscarrying and I would need to do blood work done over the next 5 days to make sure things happened correctly.  I completed all of my blood work and each time my numbers doubled.  That meant that I was still pregnant!  The theory we have is that I may have had twins and lost 1.  We can't be sure though. 

Well, due to that scare, I pretty much put myself in a bubble for a bit just because I did not want to lose my baby.  I know it was silly since if you are going to miscarry, it will happen.  Time went on, we had to move due to rent increase, and life got extremely hectic for the month since all of that had happened. 

Then, on Wednesday August 21, I began bleeding again.  I monitored myself carefully.  On the next day, August 22, I passed tissue and miscarried.  On Friday I had blood work done and confirmed that I was no longer pregnant. 

Not only was I devastated, but Devlin was having trouble understanding why there was no longer a 'baby in my belly'.  Having to explain to him that the baby had died was hard.  Depression hit.

I have had bad depression ever since my Mom passed away in 2009.  I have been battling it; sometimes I win and sometimes I lose.  In October 2012, I began seeing an Upper Cervical Specialist to adjust my neck and my health issues began to lessen.  Around March of this year I finally began to come out of my depression fog.  I was genuinely happy again and that felt great!  I was running again, biking with the kids, doing crafty things, I was cooking and enjoying it, and I felt like myself again.  Life still had problems, but I was getting through them easier.

Currently I am fighting daily to keep a hold on that happiness.  I have days when it is there, but since I miscarried I have been sinking deeper and deeper into the depression that kept me locked up since 2009.  I have had no desire to reach out to others; I honestly have been wanting to keep my phone turned off and not get on the internet anymore, but I know my family would not allow that :)

I have only miscarried  one other time, to my knowledge.  That time I only found out when it happened; I had not known about the pregnancy yet and it wasn't as emotionally frustrating.  This time I found out first and had my emotions yanked around for over a month with being told I was miscarrying and then everything being fine and then not again...whew...you get the picture.  It was hard.  I feel that I am ok and can move on now, but the depression is so hard to come out of!   

Anyway, here are some pictures that I've been looking at lately to cheer myself up.  

My boys trying to skip rocks.

 

See?  I can still smile :) 

Time slows down, diaster comes

Disclaimer: You may laugh at me, just please do so with love :) There is also a 'naughty' word used.  This particular day was very hectic and I was struggling to keep my cool and keep up with the day.  It happens to everyone.  But this particular day makes me laugh hysterically now that I look back at it!

Friday September 20, 2013:

Most of my morning was spent playing with the kids and trying to get work done, with Internet that was not working most of the time (long story).  Devlin ran to the bathroom and shut the door.  I waited and didn't hear anything after a minute, so I went to investigate.  He had peed his pants.  Right in front of the toilet.  He went to the bathroom and decided it was better to stand in there and pee his pants.  Big 'UGH' from Mom.  Then a list of questions to find why he decided it was better and then "Well, you need to clean this up, here's a towel." 

After things settled down, I put Kade down for a nap.  Then I got lunch ready, Kade got up, and we ate.  I left lunch out because Devlin takes longer to eat than the rest of us.  I was sitting on the couch and all of the sudden Hope jumped and put her paws on the table and starts eating our food!  While I was right there!!  I was so mad.  I hurried and put her outside while the kids were crowding trying to see the damage to lunch.  

Not even 5 minutes later, Devlin peed his pants again in the exact same way.  This time, I put him in time out and told him to then clean up.  He went in to take his pants off, and then there was a knock at the door...

*Now here's where time slowed down*

It was the postman delivering my Thrive Food order that had to be forwarded (for some reason my address update didn't work? something wrong happened).  He began to hand the package to me, and naturally I reached for it.  He quickly pulled it back and said "Woah, you have to pay me $9.88 for this."  I was annoyed with how he was acting, especially since he was holding both doors open and Kade was trying to escape and Hope was barking a ton.  I was overwhelmed.  I teared up.

I couldn't find my wallet right away and when I did, I dropped it.  I then got a pen, and dropped it.  Then when I took the cap off, I dropped it.  I felt like an idiot.  And to make things worse, the postman was watching me and laughing at everything.  He was laughing!  I felt so dumb. 

All the while Hope was still barking and I was writing the check and he says, "Don't you get so annoyed with all the barking?"  I barely kept my cool.  I tried to be calm as I said, "Yes I do, but she always does this when people come by."  I kept writing the check.  Who knew it took SO long to write one little check?!?!

THEN Devlin walks out to the whole scene butt naked!!  I kid you not!  I was still there trying to keep Kade from escaping while writing the check and the postman is still laughing.  I was mortified.  I immediately let go of Kade and grabbed for Devlin.  I tell Dev, "You need to go back to the bathroom, you don't have clothes on!"  He started to go back to the bathroom.  

I turn back to the mailman, and I say "sorry".  He responds with, "Don't worry, it's not the first time I've seen a penis."  Not making this up here!  I froze and thought, 'what a freaky thing to say...'  My next thought was finishing writing the check (yes, it took forever to write this check out) and to get him away from my house.  

Devlin starts to come back to say hi and the guy starts talking to him.  I think, 'you freak, stop talking to my kids after being rude  and laughing and talking about stuff.'  I then pushed Dev out of the way, threw the check at the guy, and grabbed my package.  Then I closed the door as quick as I could with getting the boys out of the way.

I felted so humiliated and embarrassed.  I decided that the mature thing to do here, after so many frustrating things happening in such a short amount of time, was to throw the package on the floor and then get down on the floor and cry.  Don't worry, it was food storage and it didn't break or anything :)  

As I'm on the floor, the kids got down too.  Devlin said, "you crying on the floor?" I had to laugh.  Then Kade started patting my head.  They brought me back to reality and I just smiled and laughed with them.

And all of this (in purple) happened in about 5 minutes.  It felt so much longer than that.

Looking back, it's hilarious.  I think the guy was trying to be funny in his own way, but with everything else that happened in the day, it came across in a bad way.  The next day we saw each other while he was putting mail in the box and he laughed again.  This time I just laughed too.  I no longer cared what he thought. 

Why, hello there!

UGH life gets so busy sometimes.

Anyway, we got the internet figured out.  The phone and car, those still aren't figured out.  Either way, I've adapted to both.  If I want to go somewhere I either put the kids in the jogging stroller and run there, or I wait until Jaren comes home.  For the phone, I am using my old flip phone - it's only slightly better than my android. 

Well, sickness has hit our house.  The kids and I have colds, Devlin has a bronchial infection, and both kids are throwing up.  Devlin is on antibiotics, so hopefully he will start to feel better soon. 

Thanks to my in-laws, our garage is almost completely organized now!  My house is coming together and I am so grateful and excited.  I can't wait until everything is together because I am going to post pictures :)

Everyone, stay healthy!